Fake it ‘til you make it

I think the comment at the end of Ryan’s post makes my topic all the more relevant. Ever heard of imposter syndrome? Well you’ve got it. So too do I, and 90% of graduate students. Imposter syndrome is where competent people find it difficult or impossible to internalize their accomplishments. They constantly dismiss their success calling it luck, a mistake, good timing, or a deception (smoke and mirrors). People find it impossible to believe they are actually good at what they do, and remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve their success.

Imposter syndrome was originall coined in 1978 by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes after they realized not only had they experienced imposter syndrome, but so did hundreds of other students.

I experienced imposter syndrome feelings in graduate school. I would take an important examination and be very afraid that I had failed. I remembered all I did not know rather than what I did. My friends began to be sick of my worrying, so I kept my doubts more to myself. I thought my fears were due to my educational background. When I began to teach at a prominent liberal arts college with an excellent academic reputation, I heard similar fears from students who had come for counseling. They had excellent standardized test scores grades and recommendations. One of them said, “I feel like an impostor here with all these really bright people.”

Impostor syndrome was once thought to be common in carrier driven women, but has since been shown to occur in men, and most often in graduate students.  

For the first 3.5 years of my PhD I was convinced I didn’t belong. I felt like I was sailing on other people’s coat tails. HOW COULD I COME SO FAR AND NO ONE NOTICE I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT MICROBIOLOGY, FORESTRY, OR SOIL (FYI I am soil microbial biologist in a forestry department). Am I getting over it? Slowly. Either that or all I care about is graduating and getting the hell out of dodge.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the lack of praise or acknowledgment as we grow up. In Elementary school and high school we get gold stars, A’s and “Nice job” written in the top right hand corner of a paper. These days I rarely get told I have done a good job (I can count on one hand), no one seems gets told. Everyone is smart, hardworking and doing interesting things, and maybe it is awkward to go around and tell everybody they are doing a good job.

That being said, some people are not good at what they do, some people are all smoke and mirrors (Oh god, am I one of them? Guys, I think I might be a smoky mirror, a competent graduate student in disguise).  

The University of Waterloo addresses the Imposter syndrome on their Center for Teaching Excellence website: http://cte.uwaterloo.ca/teaching_resources/tips/imposter_phenomenon_and_grad_students.html

They suggest a number of good strategies for managing imposter syndrome. Below I have reiterated a few:

 

Strategy	Description
Break the silence	Speak out about your feelings. Knowing there is a name for these feelings and that other people suffer from them can be very reassuring.
Separate feelings from fact	Everyone feels stupid from time to time. Just because you feel it doesn’t mean you are.
Develop a new script	Rewrite your mental script from “I am an impostor” to “I may not know all the answers but I am smart enough to figure it out.”
Reward yourself	Learn to pat yourself on the back when you deserve it. Don’t hide from validation!
Fake it ‘til you make it	Take a chance and “wing it;” this is not a sign of ineptness, but rather a sign that you are intelligent and able to rise to a challenge.

 

The three I like the best are 1) just because you feel stupid doesn’t mean you are, 2) learn to pat yourself on the back (someone else probably won’t do it for you) and 3) fake it ‘til you make it.

I think part of being a good scientist is being aware of how much you know, and still pushing ideas past those limits. Most ideas are bad, but once in awhile you’ll hit on something good.